Just When You Think It's Safe
by A Born Legend Maker
Summary: Harry and Voldemort fight. Death Eaters and Order members watch. At the end there's much retching, cheers, and a few raised eyebrows. Chaos shall ensue! You have been warned.


Just When You Think It's Safe  
by: Wareta Shooki

I own nothing but my random thoughts.  
This is a one-shot making fun of the ending to the Harry Potter series (though it hasn't come yet).  
Also, this fic is rated T for cursing and is dedicated to my darling twin sister Surién who helped inspire me.  
Three cheers for sweet abandonment!

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Harry: (pointing wand at Voldemort) Have at thee!

Voldemort: (blinks) What?

Harry: (groans, rolling his eyes) Duel..?

Voldemort: (making a small 'o' with his mouth in understanding smirks) Yes, indeed I will have at thee!

(everyone else just stares, shaking their heads)

(Harry and Voldemort exchange spell and curse after spell and curse. The colours light the night air on fire. Everyone gathered, Death Eaters and Order members alike, go 'ooh' and 'awe'. Voldemort and Harry just ignore them)

Harry: (annoyed by now) Damn it, Voldemort, just die already! (yells another curse, dodging one of the other's)

Voldemort: (smirking) Never! (cackles, chokes on his own spit and glares when Harry snickers) Shut up!

(everyone else just stares again before snickering behind their hands thinking it was just too funny)

Harry and Voldemort: (rounds on all of them, growling and glaring evilly) Shut it!

Everyone: Jeez! Sorry!

(the battle commences)

Harry: (growls in frustration) Screw this! (picks up a rock and chunks it at Voldemort)

Voldemort: (gets hit in forehead by rock. Screams) Ahhh! You bastard! You fucking dented my forehead! (picks up a rock himself and throws it at Harry)

Harry: (dodges, laughing) Nyah nyah, you missed me.

(everyone twitches thinking, 'what the fuck!' )

(the fighting with spells and curses commences once more)

(After about another hour Harry jumps back, an evil gleam in his eye)

Harry: (smirks, an evil gleam in his eye) Be done with you, Voldemort! **_AVADA KEDAVRA! _**

Voldemort: NOOOOOOOOO! (death gurgle, falls to ground, choking, not really instantly dead like he's supposed to be.)

Severus Snape: (appearing suddenly out of nowhere, runs over to the fallen Dark Lord) No! Voldy!

(everyone, including Harry blinks, raising an eyebrow, frowning)

Voldemort: (looks up and smiles fondly) Sev, my love, you came.

Severus Snape: (eyes grow big and shiny) Of course! Why wouldn't I?

Voldemort: (looks away) I thought you didn't love me.

Severus Snape: (sputters) What! How could you say that! I do love you, Voldy, oh so very much!

(everyone else has found bushes to vomit behind, this goes unnoticed)

Voldemort: (eyes big and shiny now too looks really happy) I love you too! (pulls him, kisses, chokes and dies)

Severus Snape: (throws head back) NOOOOOOO!

Everyone: EWWWWWWWW!

(Dumbledore, a few Death Eaters, and nearly all of the Order including Harry, are still retching behind the bushes)

(everything fades dramatically as cheers erupt in background)

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Harry: (walking away with arm around Ginny's waist) I was worried that he'd never die.

Ron: (shudders) Yeah, but that thing with Snape. (shudders again, shaking his head) That was just nasty!

Hermione: (smirks, laughing softly behind her hand) Oh, but you know you thought it was cute!

Ron: (stares at her incredulously)

(everyone remains silent as everything fades dramatically now, no cheers in the background)

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Voldemort and Severus Snape: (in impressive, echoing voices that are trying to sound scary) You think you have one, you think all is well, but think again, we'll soon be back from Hell!

Sirius: (staring at the odd two, far away from them) Just when you think it's safe.

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**Random Babble:** I know, that was kind of scary, but it was this random thing my sister Surién and I came up with. I hope you all enjoyed it. Reviews are welcomed. (holds up a mug of butterbeer with the cast of Harry Potter) Three cheers for sweet abandonment!

(everyone cheers)


End file.
